Please ignore how bare and crappy my site is looking right now. Between server down time and my illiteracy to CSS, I am slowly getting it all put back together again. So just a heads-up that my site will be undergoing changes over the next couple weeks or so, so don’t be surprised if you happen to prance in here one day and it looks as if it’s been nuked. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve manage to learn how to back up my database, how to make a child theme and some very basic CSS/HTML.  All self taught. The scary thing is that I am actually getting it. After so much reading and studying, to the point of actually dreaming about CSS, I am seriously ready to take a break for a couple days. My brain is tired. Unfortunately, for the time being, you’ll all have to deal with my craptactular bare theme. I’ve been searching high and low for a theme. I’m not exactly sure what look I am going for but I do want something that matches my personality. I have found some themes that I like, and even a few that come close to being absolutely perfect. But then, I find something I don’t like about it and that theme gets tossed. Maybe I’m being too picky.

Meanwhile, I’m going to try to catch up on some blog posts and reviews.

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee.
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it cunt!

(Author Unknown)

1. My feet are quite amazing – I can pick almost anything up with my toes, write with them, undo buttons and even peel banana’s with them. If I suddenly lost both hands, I might not do to bad in life with my feet :D

2. My vagina is also quite amazing! I can queef the alphabet on command and even fill it up with water using my PC muscles and hit targets with deadly accuracy. No, I’m not kidding. I used to save my empty shampoo bottles and line them up along the edge of the bathtub for just this reason. Now, imagine what I can do to a penis!

3. I wear my sunglasses at all times. It doesn’t matter where or what time of the day it is. My sunglasses are a part of me. If I don’t have my sunglasses perched upon my head, my head feels naked. As I sit here at 4:20am typing this blog post, can you guess where my sunglasses are?! *sings* I WEAR MY SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT!

4. I have an intense (and totally irrational) fear of walking up and down stairs in the dark. I always get the overwhelming feeling that something of unimaginable horror is behind me and going to kill me, and I usually end up doing this weird sideways/backwards walk so that I can watch the front and back of me simultaneously. At the last step all I can think about is finding a light and nine times out of ten I break out into a run.

5. I have to go to bed with socks on, but can’t sleep with them on – I always kick them off about a half hour later (this is where 99% of my missing socks end up – in a mushed-up pile at the very end of the bed under the sheets).

6. When I’m in a car, I have to tap my feet to all the lines on the road. For example, if we pass a driveway, I tap my toes to each side of it (the opening) as we go past. If we drive over a dotted line I try to tap my toes as fast as I can inside my shoes to each dot. I realize this might not be such a great habit when I finally get my drivers license.

7. I constantly write with my fingers, in the air. If I’m not doing anything that requires the use of my hands (eating, watching tv, masturbating, riding in a car) I’m always drawing with my index finger. It might be writing a sentence, solving a math problem, tracing something I see close by, or drawing something – my fingers are always moving and I’m not even aware I’m doing it (people point it out to me all the time).

You know what I love most about blogging? Comments. Comments are what inspires me to write more. They let  me know that somebody is actually reading the jibberish that flows off my finger tips.

And so, I’m going to make this post as an opportunity for you to introduce yourself to me, especially those of you that lurk in the background. Who are you? I’d love to know!

As you can see I’ve been somewhat slacking in the blogging department. My blogging mojo has been MIA – just decided to get up and crack the fuck on! The little bitch.  I’m not quite sure where it went, but no matter how hard I search for it, I can’t seem to locate it. I have plenty of what I know are coherent thoughts running through my mind, yet I can’t seem to find those thoughts when the time comes to write something about them. Let me tell you, I’m getting quite good at writing the first sentence of all these blog posts that will probably never get finished. I guess you can say that I’m in a writer’s block. So what better way to cure writer’s block than to write about writer’s block?

You see, I’m not one of those people that can force myself to write and the thoughts gracefully flow into words. I’m someone that immediately has a million thoughts running through my mind to once and can’t get them from my head to the screen fast enough. I’m someone for whom motivation tends to come in spurts; there are times when I’m cranking out 5 posts a day, and then there are times (like now) when I can’t even manage one decent post per week.

I also have a bunch of reviews coming up, so stay tuned for the following:

  • Tantus Alumina Flow
  • Better Than Chocolate
  • Sqweel
  • L’Amour Thumper
  • Tantus Acute
  • Cal Exotics (Couture Collection) Cyclone
  • Bumpy Spiral Double Glass dildo
  • Tantus Spoon
  • Fun Factory Bimini Flash
  • Liberator Heart Wedge
  • Liberator Throe
  • Pink Water Lubricant

That’s a shitton of reviews!